That One Special Open House

to be looking at it, it seemed like any other open houses. a canopy, tables and chairs, friends and relatives coming, salam (handshakes), rendang ketupat kuah kacang spaghetti all sorts of food lying on a long table which the guests always swarmed at first before finding a place to sit, the host running around to ensure each one of her guests was well entertained, not eating that much realising there were still some houses to go to, still some spaces to spare in our tummy, catch up sessions, yea . . it pretty much seemed like a regular raya open house.

but it didnt seem like that to me

'cause it brought me to you.

i remembered when you started to get to know me on FB chat. but we've never met officially during school hours. but at that particular open house, i came and so did you. she was actually our mutual friend. i came with my friends and you came with yours. oh, i had to borrow some space in the fridge for some packed food and she allowed. the story about this will come later. i was at a table and you were at another, knowing that we haven't really talked face-to-face, i took the courage to walk to your table. and that was how it all started. i was eager to learn photography and you, you always had a DSLR in your hand. that was how we clicked.

i was about to leave, i walked out, thinking that what happened just now was merely nothing. then, yea remember about the thing that was in the refridgerator? i went back in to get it. you were still there. then... that was when you asked me for my number. i normally wouldnt give it simply to anyone, but maybe the fact that you were being such a gentleman for asking me directly made me give in a little. and i thanked the keep-cool packed food for that. and from there on, we got to know each other.

another reason why the house was so special was because it has been our routine to go there every raya. we went there together, no longer separately. there was once, we stayed there until dusk. we took some pictures after a long day visiting some open houses. that was the time when our friend said we looked good together.

it may not seem extraordinary to any of you. 'cause that was my story. a story that i will cherish as long as i could.

today i went to the house for raya. but i went there with my friends and not with you. i talked with my friends and not with you. everything was there but not you. and i just wished that you were there at a table and i was at another. and you took the courage to walk to my table.

Royal College of Surgeon it is!

the answer is out!

All the dilemmas and confusion of whether to choose UCD or RCSI can stop now. Allah has granted RCSI for me and all i need to do now is to have trust in Him.

Nah, nak fe-feeling sikit. hehe.

 this is where i'll be moulding myself into a doctor for the next 2.5 years.

After consulting whoever possible persons (doctors, seniors, relatives, papa's friends, mama's friends ect) i finally settled down with my choice. My choice was a bit astray from everyone else's and that was why i contemplated before i could actually reconvince myself. 

Oh well. Allah puts me here . there must be a reason for that :)

Wish me for all the luck i would possibly need. :D 

Alhamdulillah Oh Allah Almighty :')

alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah.

been reciting that beautiful word over and over again these past few days. felt so blessed to be given an opportunity to receive one form of His rahmah. :)

ALHAMDULILLAH I PASSED MY IB EXAMS AND FLYING OFF TO DUBLIN IN SEPTEMBER IN SHAA ALLAH.

Oh, i forgot. i never got a chance to tell my whole Sem 4 (last sem) experience. Well, it was more or less a WAR with IRP (a month of intensive revision) and IB exams are in it. the sweat, blood, and tears surely paid off when i got what i wanted for my IB results. Not that spectacular though, but just enough to be given me a green light for Ireland and enough for me to burst into tears. hehe

Now, straight to the post-ib part shall we? YES. IT WAS AH-MAYYYZINGGG TO BE FEELING THIS WAY. you know when you've worked so hard, countless sleepless nights studying, packets of caffeine consumed, and as a result of all that, you made it. you made through the whole 2-year journey. yea i think i could be called a WARRIOR for surviving all those. believe me, if you're in it, you might want to give yourselves thousands pats in the back i tell ya.

So yeah, Dublin in September. for now, im still waiting for which uni i'll be enrolling in.

Royal College of Surgeon                           or                   University College Dublin

Only 2 possibilities as im in a twinning program, Penang Medical College (PMC) collaborating with those 2 unis. PMC will decide in allocating the universities for us.

Whatever it is, i pray that Allah's guide to be always alongside of me wherever i'll be. :)

I've Forgotten How My Life Was Before You Came Into It

maybe that's the reason . . .

Deleting you from my life is a must. But I don't even know if that's possible..

Regret? No. If I had a list of sad tragedies that ended up with tears of regrets, getting to know you will certainly not be a part of it. No matter how many times my eyes had swollen because of you and I had to make up stories to those people who asked about it. The answer is still a No.

Having you in my life for about 3 years was something. And when I say 'something', that means you sure had left a great mark in it. Permanent mark to be exact.

You've left me.

I have not moved on. I need you to know that. Not even a single day missed without me crying. I'm still bleeding inside. I really don't know how to heal. People told me how to cure it but they didn't tell me that it WILL be cured. They DIDN'T. As if they were not sure of it. As if they were just saying it 'cause they just needed to say something to me , right? Well I didn't blame them. They were just being friends.

Countless activities had we ventured together. The best part of it, you were there with me when I was pacing my feet in the teenage years. Ever since I was in the late Form 4, we started getting to know each other. I remember how I often secretly looked at you when we were lining up during assemblies. You wore a pair of white Converse to school. I remembered that probably 'cause students didn't wear those to school. We would sometime smile when we were aware of each other's sight. I was in Form 5, you were no longer schooling. But you were still there (in front of the school) 'cause you worked there. We met almost every day. Not a day passed without stories to tell. I was in my busy teenage year then, taking my SPM, you were getting into a Uni.

You said distance would just be a challenge. I said no matter how far, our hearts would be just as close as they had ever been before.

We were running fine, in fact, more than amazing in our first few separating years. Our love grew stronger and every second was more precious when we got to meet. You've taught me a lot of things in life. I couldn't forget how wondrous you were when you talked about your life long dreams. I remembered myself smiling while you were talking. You also taught me that sometimes, rules were meant to be broken. I got to explore the world that I've never known while I was with you. At that point, I knew that it wasn't just a puppy love. It was far more than that. Our love was like a love story book that I would be eager to read.

But somehow, it came to a halt.

There was no one to be blamed. Not you. Not me. Maybe Allah lent you into my life just for a while and I do not need any reason to be mad about it. Contrary, I'm really grateful. Your presence have made my life more meaningful. Having loved by you created an enormous impact in my life, even if it was just for a while.

Sorry we didn't get to cross a few activities out of our list. We didn't get to walk on the beach while mesmerizing the moonlight like we've always dreamt of. You wanted to bring me to a fine dining, just once, but we didn't 'cause we ended up eating in a food court every time we went out. You and I both had the same idea about spending, I guess . You promised to drive me anywhere I wanted to go when you get your driving license. We didn't get to go for a hike at Broga Hills and we didn't get to watch the sunrise together like we've always planned to. You wanted to cook for me but up until now I still couldn't get a taste on your dish. To tell you the truth, my list could go on and on 'cause I have so many plans with you.

But the amount of time we spent together was more than enough to make you a special person, to make us memorable.

I don't know to what scale I could predict that you won't come back. But I'm bad at lying to myself. Every day I'm hoping that someday memories can help bring you back to me. Every day I wonder when are you going to remember me. Remember how you have once loved me. But I trust in fate. If Allah wants it to happen than it will.

Unconditionally. That is how I love you. Is. Was. And how it will forever be. 

The Start of A New Sem..

it's sem 3 now.
oh wait! Pelik tak i didn't write anything while i was in Sem 2? Okay tak pelik, IB students are aware of how tak pelik that is. We were all  so busy, "tahap gaban", people said, and it will be worse this upcoming sem.
all I could say is :

Sem 1 : When you are settling in and being intimidated by all sorts of warnings about the upcoming torchers.
Sem 2 : You are introduced to those torchers such as EE, IAs, Maths Exploration, ect. And you tell yourself, oh i must finish this before sem3 starts, but nahhh.. you didn't do it.
Sem 3 : You'll reach the peak of your patience. It's a killing sem. It's the submit-everything sem. Which I'm about to start feeling the heat.
Sem 4 : Can't say much. Haven't reach it yet. Maybe you would want to relax and take a little breather as you've passed up all assignments, but no! IB big exam is just around the corner.. ("muahaha".. if IB is a devil, he would laugh at you like that)

Oh well.. I've survived 2 sems, Alhamdulillah. Another 2 to go, In Shaa Allah. Though my academic performance in the first 2 semesters was..not..that.. i n t e r e s t i n g to be shared , umm yeahh.. I survived.

Ok
It's a new sem. new beginning. new 'azam' (like always) ,
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

It Has Been Magical.

You appeared. Subsequently, my world changed.

You're imperfect. I don't doubt that. There are unticked boxes in your list of perfection, which I discovered since I first met you. But don't worry as I am here to fill them up as you're filling in mine.

You're not good with words. Phrasing up words to make me feel better is rather challenging for you. But I know you're trying. I was surprised when you came up with a letter that I teared when I was only on the first page. Throughout the letter, all our memories were constantly hitting on my mind like a whirlwind. It was beautiful..

You're lack of the understanding of women's issues. Especially when I was mad.  You just don't get it, do you? Haha. You're good in Googling. Why don't you search up for the women's fact about what to do when they got pissed off over you, would 'ya? Heee.. As time passed by, I sometimes am already immune by the fact that you're just insensitive about that part, that's all, not like you just couldn't care less or something. 

You don't have many ideas of grand romantic gestures. Yes you don't, dear. When the special days come by, you don't really know what to do other than just to meet me. Then I'll ask, "Now what?". And you'll go, "Urm.. let's just go there", without any advance planning. When we have no more place to crash, we end up sitting in the car without that air-conditioning on 'cause I'd like my petrol to be saved. Girls would like their loved ones to sing a song, buy a cake, present them with a gift, prepare them a set of table to have a romantic meal together. Hahaha but imagining you doing that, I should probably shut those daydreams up quickly. But .. you give me more than that. You don't plan to be all romeo and stuff. Everything you do, I see the sincerity in you. 

You don't have much things to offer me. You have some financial issues which probably the reason why you're getting skinnier and skinnier when you're back at your Uni. No, I don't mean any hurtful comment about that. I'm accepting you as you are. As much as all other girls get expensive surprises from theirs, I don't expect them from you. I honestly don't. But you got me a music box on my birthday which was quite costly. I appreciated it with all my heart. 

Meeting you was a fate. Knowing you was magical. You make me feel appreciated as I have that some sort of assurance that someone is thinking about me, caring about me, loving me. Distance would just be another word for challenge. A challenge to see how strong our love is.

But now...

My College Life Has Begun

. I AM OFFICIALLY A STUDENT AGAIN .

Hmm.. after a very . . VERY long post-SPM break , I really didn't feel like lifting my butt off to college and to study again . I stayed in UM for only one night as I was offered for another sort-of-like scholarship . It's a loan actually , a convertable one offered by MARA .

So , HERE I AM , AN INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE STUDENT OF MARA COLLEGE BANTING .

After much browsing and inquiring about this college , I bared in my mind of what I was getting myself into . On my way to the college for the first time , the car kept on going far away from home . And it's not really near to Pekan Banting but kat hulu mana tah . Even my mom's GPS had hard time finding this place . When we got nearer , all we could see was hutan kelapa sawit kiri kanan . Even the signboard that showed KOLEJ MARA BANTING was so small and we could hardly see it . Aish tak boleh kecik lagi ke ? -_-

Once we've got there , my first impression was :

"BOARDING SCHOOL"

*sigh*

It was a good thing that I had expected it to be that way . Otherwise I'd be shocked if i had expected it to be  so like Hogwarts .

Like one my friends here , first she heard about MARA College Banting , she was like gahhhhh it would be so cool . 'Cause it's MARA's and it's for IB students kann . . So as she got here , she was like "ohmyy I can't believe this . ."

As we arrived , I collected myself  to the registration process . After much hustle and bustle of the whole registration thingy , the students were allowed to go to the hostel and unpack our things . 

Asrama Puteri

My room . It's not much but . . umm . yeahh . . not much .

( Luckily Mama bought me a very nice bed sheet and comforter . At least there's some elements of home there )

Some other facilities : Laundry service , pavillion ( a field actually , name je nak gempak sikit ) , basketball court , badminton court , tennis court , Pusat rekreasi , gym , dance studio , music room , concourse , Koperasi , KFC (nu'uh , bukan Kentucky Fried Chicken weh , it's KOPERASI FOOD COURT . gahh)

ect . ect . .

I'm currently adapting myself here with all these simplicites , and this new environment around me . They say IB is freakin' tough , jiwa akan digoncang-goncang , don't play play , menempah maut , the longest 2 years of my life ,  yada yada . PERGHH memang nak bagi orang cuak ke hape nih . SO , hopefully I can survive doing IB , and get it finished without losing the complete sane of my mind .